We made this like two years ago but it wasn’t finished till this weekend because Matt couldn’t find his VCR. Toby and Matt and I get at you with some FRESH MAGIC.
Hi there. My name is Timothy Simons and I have a really embarrassing yearbook photo. Please don’t scroll down just yet. Let’s talk for a minute.
People that say to live with no regrets have never had a yearbook photo this bad. It’s terrible. However I am not regretful.
I bought the jester hat on Block Island the day after my friend Will and I went boogie boarding without sunscreen and we got sunstroke. That night we watched Pulp Fiction in a barn, and I wore it. I wore it that whole summer and I wore it to the first day of school my senior year. All my friends hated that hat from the beginning, which only solidified my wanting to wear it. They would sneak into my house and hide it. Or they would throw it up on the roof to keep it away from me. I’m still friends with them, though. They were trying to protect me and I appreciate that.
My dad was a photographer, and he actually took this photo. I don’t know why my parents let me submit it to the yearbook.
So I’ve always known, in the back of my head, while I was pursuing being an actor, that this was there. I’ve seen enough “you won’t believe this actors’ high school yearbook photo” articles and posts to know that people are interested in this sort of thing. I’ve gotten self-douche-chills just thinking about it sitting there in a yearbook, just waiting to be uncovered. This past weekend, someone I went to high school with put it on twitter. It’s out there now, it’s permanent, and I’m gonna control this narrative.
It’s really fucking embarrassing, but I’m not altogether* embarrassed by it.
That picture completely and terribly encapsulates who I was at that time. I loved that 100% fun Matthew Sweet album and I bought that shirt at the concert. I saw a lot of Shakespeare summerstock plays and identified with the clowns**. I wanted nothing more than to stand out for any reason. I was a loud fucking nerd who talked too much. The Chicken was my actual nickname. I made up the other two in an attempt to add mystery to my 18 year old legacy. Who does that?
Honestly, looking at this makes me love my parents for allowing it. For allowing me to be this dumb. For instilling enough self-confidence in me at the time to make this picture public and not care. That’s the sort of thing that allowed me to leave home and make all the terrible decisions that led me to Chicago and then the terrible decisions that led to Los Angeles. This is an honest thank you to my Mom and Dad. I hope I’m a good enough parent to Hopper and Marty that they will make terrible decisions like this and I won’t stand in their way.
So anyway. Here it is. I’m owning this fucking picture.
* I mean, I’m somewhat embarrassed by it, but not altogether embarrassed by it. Fucking look at it.
** Despite my theatre-going habits, the dumb hats, and the flair for the overly-dramatic I was not an actor in high school and did not start pursuing it until my second year of college.
I organized, with the help of UTA and CharityBuzz, an online auciton to benefit The Los Angeles High School of the Arts. It starts Monday, November 17th at 9:00 a.m. EST.
There are some amazing things to bid on that I will list below, and they would make some pretty fantastic holiday presents.
This is not possible without the generosity of the individuals and companies that donated, and they have our sincerest thanks and gratitude.
So here’s what we have!
Auction main page here.
KROQ’s 2014 ALMOST ACOUSTIC XMAS – 2 premium tickets to both nights / 2 backstage party passes – Bands performing include: U2, WEEZER, VANCE JOY, SMASHING PUMPKINS, IMAGINE DRAGONS, SYSTEM OF A DOWN, FALL OUT BOY, RISE AGAINST, BUSH, VANCE JOY, ALT-J, MODEST MOUSE AND TEARS FOR FEARS
KROQ’s 2015 APRIL FOOLISHNESS – 2 premium orchestra seats / 2 backstage party wristbands
PATTON OSWALT LIVE SHOW / SWAG – 2 tickets and a backstage meet and greet with Patton to one show of his upcoming tour / comprehensive swag bag
SPEND A DAY WITH FUNNY OR DIE – A full day experience behind the scenes with Funny or Die in Los Angeles
AUTOGRAPHED VEEP 309 SCRIPT / SWAG BAG – The scrip that won JLD her most recent emmy signed by the cast and a VEEP Patagonia Rollaway Backpack filled with VEEP stuff.
LIMITED EDITION MIKE MITCHELL FAT BIRD “ORIOLE” – Limited edition Fat Bird print
LIMITED EDITION MIKE MITCHELL FAT BIRD “COAL TIT” – Limited edition Fat Bird print
LUNCH IN LA W/ MATT WALSH AND TIM SIMONS / UCB SWAG BAG – Have lunch in LA with Matt Walsh and Tim Simons and also get a rad collection of UCB DVDs / shirt / books.
LUNCH IN LA W/ TONY HALE AND TIM SIMONS / VEEP SWAG BAG – Have lunch in LA with Tony Hale and Tim Simons and also get a whole bunch of cool VEEP stuff.
HOUSE OF LIES AUTOGRAPHED SCRIPT – Pilot Episode script of House of Lies autographed by the cast, as well as two VIP tickets to Ben Schwartz’s sold-out SNOWPANTS improv show at UCB LA.
JONAH PAINTING – A framed print of that horrible Jonah painting from his mom’s house in episode 309
ONE OF A KIND VEEP COMIC ART BY RYAN BROWNE – ‘Dick Cake’ from episode 107
ONE OF A KIND VEEP COMIC ART BY CHRIS BURNHAM – ‘Jolly Green Jizz Face’ from episode 204
AUTOGRAPHED CHRIS COLFER BOOKS – Two books autographed by Chris Colfer (GLEE)
THE DOUBLE BY GEORGE PELECANOS – Autographed copy by writer/producer of THE WIRE